Mothers Day Hints for Men
Posted on Sunday, May 13 @ 11:38:18 EDT by Why is it so hard for moms to take a break? What can fathers do to help?
First of all, struggling with taking a break from maternal responsibilities is normal. This is hard for the mothers of typical children?who presumably have a little less to be preoccupied about than mothers of children who have autism and other special needs.
So feeling overwhelmed by the enormous responsibilities of motherhood is normal, but when it goes on indefinitely, it?s not healthy for a mother or her family. And fathers tend to begin feeling left out and neglected. While I frequently write about fathers, I spend a good deal of my time as a psychologist listening to mothers. Almost invariably mothers seem to be relieved when they give voice to their struggles?particularly the guilt about not doing enough or missing something they should have done or thought about.
Read Mothers Day Hints for Men
Opening up and connecting about upsetting situations can help. On the other hand, suggesting that a mother do more to take care of herself often makes her feel worse. Listening to mothers in at Alternative Choices, we hear that this can sound like just one more thing to do. Their lists are already too long. And another thing they just aren?t getting right?even more guilt!
One mom even told me, ?My life seems like one long day!?
In contrast, the average overwhelmed father seems to have less difficulty taking a break. On the other hand, he may also have trouble talking about what he cannot fix or take action about. He may shut down out of helplessness and emotional overload that he has no words for. The very same man may love his partner and children passionately; yet he may feel left out, ignored, and powerless.
This reaction offers no outlet for his partner?s feelings.
Still, most fathers admire when the mother of their children reacts like a mother lion with her cub, doing everything possible to raise their child.
So for this Mothers and Day and every day really, here?s a plan for men:
Tell your partner how much you appreciate her and everything she does for yourchildren. Be specific about all the wonderful things she does and how hard she tries. Don?t do something. Don?t make suggestions. Volunteer to just listen to how she feels.Ask what you can do to make her job easier.Gently and persistently keep asking and showing up to do stuff.
This is how to be a good man in your situation. Help her to take a breath, literally and figuratively. Let her know that she is indispensable. No one can do a better job. In the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes, ?The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men?from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.?
Finally, remember the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
This column is by Wrong Planet columnist and clinical psychologist Dr. Robert Naseef. He runs a practice in Philadelphia called Alternative Choices
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We Aspergers need overt & explicit advice to do well. Here’s how to practically love your wife: http://manofthehouse.com/ If you are still married (the odds are low), here’s a couple of good books for them: “Connect with your Asperger partner” by Louise Weston “Loving someone with Asperger’s Syndrome” by Cindy Ariel Here’s books for you: “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships” by Grandin & Barron “The Power of Body Language” by Reiman If looking for a spouse, here’s a good book to give you a fighting chance: “The Five Love Languages” by Chapman
I whole-heartedly support the encouragement to do something nice for our wives on Mother’s day (whenever that day might be, depending on the part of the world one lives in), but my overall enthusiasm for this “column” entry is limited. First of all, for the text to make much sense, I have to assume that we’re talking about stay-at-home wives who spend far more time with their children than their husbands. Second, I strongly disagree with the author on his definition of a father’s most important contribution to his children (“to love their mother”). It is important that I, as a father, love and care for my wife, but even more important is it that I spend much of my time together with my children, teach them new things, etc.. It is important that mothers are not alone with the responsibility to pay attention to the children’s emotional needs, their problems and their successes. Men and women are not equal, and it is surely not by accident that it takes both a man and a woman to make a child. A child benefits from having both parents’ attention. Mothers understand some things that fathers do not, and vice versa. Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men
by ThinkTrees Sunday, May 13 @ 20:05:29 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) “Finally, remember the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. ” It’s not the only thing a father can do, but it’s the most important. Love is not only sentiment, it is also expression, and it is action — thus propelling a series of constructive behaviours that are supportive, yes, but empowering and deeply rewarding to the father and children as well. Great article. Surprising, and very thoughtful.
I’m in a different kettle of fish. I am a male diagnosed with Aspergers and I am a solo Dad Well at least I get the benefit of both Mothers and Fathers day. Prefer Fathers day though as I don’t really look my best in a dress on Mothers day LOL
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I’m a little disappointed this article says it’s aimed at ‘men,’ and that it’s goal is to help just mothers, when these tips are appropriate for both mothers and fathers. The article also completely ignores that some mothers have women partners. And ‘maternal responsibilities’? I know some partners still segregate the type of household work they do based on traditional gender roles but I was hoping the articles here would be more open-minded… I appreciate the great intentions, but, questionable execution.
I’m not in touch with my mother, or my father, and don’t take very kindly to receiving emails out of the blue from some stranger lecturing me on how I interact with them. Go fuck yourself.Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men
by cheapnikeshoes Monday, May 14 @ 13:29:28 EDT
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by JonnyBoy Thursday, May 17 @ 23:57:34 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) This really should have been called “Mother’s Day Hints for Husbands”. Not all men are married, you know!
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