Tag Archives: Moms

Question?: Autism Signs In Toddler Girls

Michael asks…

Does my son just have a speech delay or is it something more?? Maybe autism?

So I already know that he has a speech delay & I am already planning on taking him to get evaluated. But I just want some opinions from some other moms out there, especially mothers with sons. Okay I have a 3 year old son, he speaks a lot actually, ask him his name & he responds with both his 1st & last name. He knows his age, he knows his colors (but always calls red, blue for some reason lol) He can count 1-30 & recognizes all of them including the number 100. He knows a lot of shapes, when he sees a stop sign he says octagon. He also knows his ABCS & recognizes them & will sing the whole alphabet song clear as day. He follows directions, I tell him to pick up his toys & he will. He’ll sit down when I tell him to, etc. He even will comfort his little brother when he’s crying and says It’s okay baby, I’m sorry. Shhhh be quiet. He will let me know what he wants, I want a drink a water. Or I want cheese, popsicle, juice, milk, poptart, chicken, fries, cereal etc. Also since I’m mentioning food, he’s very picky, he’s only ate pizza once & that was when he was 1, he won’t try cheeseburgers, sandwiches, etc. He’s very sweet & loves to cuddle. He’s a little too social sometimes & embarrasses me at the store b/c he says hi to pretty much everyone he encounters. He loves other children but also I can see that they don’t accept him sometimes. Like maybe he’s trying to hard to be their friend. I’m trying to teach him that you can’t just expect everyone to give you attention. Anyway there’s one HUGE concern of mine… he sometimes, to converse will repeat exactly what I am saying or what the other person is saying like for an example, you say Hi Gavyn & he will say Hi Gavyn back… I know its echolalia. I hear autistic children have it sometimes but also I hear children with just a simple speech delay have it. I’m just scared though for him b/c I do feel like little kids are being overdiagnosed these days so a part of me wants to protect him from the label & that its my job as his mother to protect him but then at the same time I want him to get the help he needs if it is something serious. He has been a stay at home kid since day 1. My husband & I have been trying to think if we should home school or not but I would really like him to have the whole public school experience & make friends. To me he’s just a normal boy but sometimes I do catch people looking at him weird especially when he repeats stuff. So I was wondering was your son like this as well? Did he end up being okay? I just love my son so much & want the best for him. Any opinion is appreciated. Thanks

admin answers:

From what you posted…it doesn’t seem like he has Autism. My son is now 8, when he was a toddler I thought he may be Autistic because of some of his behaviours. He had a speech delay and sensory issues but…not Autistc. Alot of kids have Autistic traits, some adults also. My main concern with my son was flapping his arms. That is a charactaristic of Autism but also a sensory thing. I was told by alot of people..he is fine, he will grow out of it. BUT…i went ahead and got him tested. I had to because…what if? So..relax…get your son tested to be sure. He seems very vocal and very smart. Alot of times children that are very smart…have quirks.

Home Schooling is something I never concidered….it wasn’t for me. I have a friend who homeschools her 4 children. She sent them all to preschool and kindergarden. She was is a teacher, but isn’t working in a school. I asked her why she sent her kids to preschool and kindergarden. She said, she wanted them to go to learn to be social, learn to be around alot of other kids, and make there own friends, and have that backround. . At that age learning to share with others, and be around other kids was important to her. She also gives the choice. She homeschools 1st and 2nd grade, then asks the children if they want to to to school, or homeschool. They have all chosen to homeschool. They are lovely girls and very social. To me, it could be there personalities but..all of them are very outgoing and try hard to make frineds..which is good, but makes me wonder if they “need” to be in a classroom. But they are able to make that choice. The do have friends, they are in karate, and go to a homeschool group once or twice a week, and are very involved in there church and go to chruch school.

What is his speech delay? Seems like he talks alot. Lisp, studdering?

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Question?: Rett Syndrome Pictures

Mandy asks…

I need to know more about autism, my little sister who i never see?

Ok, im 16 and my little sister Lexie lives with her real mom , we both have the same dad but different moms. I havent seen her since she was like 3 or 4 and shes now 8. shes very tiny and underdeveloped, but adorable., her mom told me she has learning disabilities and mild autism, i was gonna see if she would let Lexie come stay with me for a week so i can get to know her, but i just wonder how shes like.
any info??

admin answers:

My son has PDD-NOS which is on the Autism Spectrum. The Autism Spectrum is what they call a Spectrum because the severity and symptoms that children have differs greatly. There are five diagnoses that are under the Autism Spectrum Umbrella. These are Autism, PDD-NOS, Asperger’s, childhood disintegrative disorder, and Rett syndrome. PDD-NOS is the most common diagnoses. Asperger’s is the highest functioning of the Autism Spectrum Disorders which are also called Pervasive Development Disorders. Autism is more common in boys than girls, except for Rett Syndrome which affects mostly girls. I have been told by specialists that they have a saying that “If you have seen one child with Autism you have seen one child with Autism”. By that saying they mean that no two children with autism present the same.

Let me tell you a little about my son. When he was a baby I knew something was different. He was my third child so I just knew something was not right. He did not like to be held like my other kids did. He would let me feed him, but look at the ceiling fan while I did instead of into my eyes. When he was done eating he would want to get down. He did not like to be held much. As he got older I noticed that he did not play with toys like my other kids did. He liked to take them apart instead. He was a head banger and rocked side to side alot. When routines changed he always got very irritable and still does. He would play with his toys the same way all the time, and line them up. He began talking on time, but always talked about what he was thinking without holding proper conversations. His voice is monotone all in one high pitch. He does not understand others feelings, how his actions affect others, or facial expressions. He takes everything very seriously and does not understand sarcasm or jokes. He has high anxiety, gets frustrated easily, and has been agressive since he was two. He has sensory processing disorder which is very common with PDD. He has always had sensory issues and hated things too bright, too cold or hot, certain clothing, certain textures, etc. He has problems making friends, and does not play age appropriately.

What has worked for us: My son gets Sensory Integration therapy at his school where he has an IEP and is in a special classroom. He has been in counseling since he was three to help him understand his feelings, others feelings, and ways to better control his emotions. He is on medications to help him control his rages, anger, and sleep issues. I have found that schedules and routines are the most important things for us. I made him a picture schedule that works very well. If you want to email me I can send you more information and even pics of our picture schedule. I have gotten valuable information by getting my son several diagnostic tests such as a speeech evaluation, neuropsycological evaluation, Developmental Behavioral Pediatrician Evaluation, an EEG, an EKG, and even genetics testing. I think that the two most important things to do are to see a Developmental Behavioral Pediatrician because they are the doctors that most specialize in Autism Spectrum Disorders. Also a neuropsych evaluation will help understand how she thinks and how her brain works.

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Question?: What Is Autism For Kids

Sharon asks…

3 year old autistic boy throwing with a throwing problem?

I work as a respite agent and i work with a 3 year old autistic boy who has recentely formed a throwing habbit. He gets very aggressive over little things and throws whatever he can find at your head even mom is scratching her head. Are there any moms with autism kids who can give us some tips?

admin answers:

I would say he’s frustrated, and you need to figure out why, and remove the frustration.

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phone home

~

*

Yes, this was an actual conversation

~

Yup, I gave in. Caved. Crumbled like a house of cards.

Go ahead, say it – ‘If all the other moms were jumping off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge too, Jess?”

Apparently, yes. Yes, I would.

I got Katie a phone. Well, I helped Katie get a phone. Since she wanted a fancy, schmancy phone, she paid half. Besides, I always think a little skin in the game is a good thing. Might even give her a better shot of not losing it within the first week.

But before she could have it, there was some business to attend to. A contract to sign.

Nope, not the one with the phone company – Luau took care of that.

A contract with us. And with herself.

We came up with it together. Well, sort of; but ya know, she was there.

It went like this.

Part One ..

And Part Two …


So, yeah, if all the other moms jumped off a bridge, apparently I’d follow.

But I’d have a parachute.

:)

Ed note: The contract was emended from the original to add rule #7, thanks to a brilliant suggestion from a reader. Thank you, Jen!

Ed other note: Two more additions are now in the works thanks to more fabulous suggestions from readers — She will tell us immediately if she receives an inappropriate text / picture etc and she will not allow anyone to else to use her phone. Thank you, ladies!

View the original article here

see thee more clearly

~

I had to walk away from Huff Po yesterday. Despite many thoughtful, sensitive comments, there were some others which were anything but. The irony of leaving judgmental, vitriolic comments about other parents on a post that begs someone to stop making judgmental, vitriolic comments about other parents appears to be lost on those who just have to throw that one last rock.

It’s not my blog. I can’t police it. But I’m sick that it’s become a forum for even more anger and even more judgment and even more division.

The other day I wrote the following:

PLEASE respect each other and all of our different perspectives in the comments here. To be clear, the only thing that I take issue with in Jenny’s comments from Autism One (as you will see when the Huff Po post is up), is that she is discrediting the choices that other moms make. I refuse to do the same by discrediting HER choices for her son. Please, please – let’s not reinforce the division in this community by reacting to stone throwing by picking up rocks of our own. Thank you. xo

This morning I added this:

Guys, PLEASE do not use this as a forum to attack Jenny or biomed or for god’s sake, each other.

Please read the Huff Po post. Its whole point is that none of us has the right to judge another person’s choices. That goes for Jenny. That goes for me. That goes for all of us.

Please. when we start swinging a bat, we stop talking. When we stop talking, our kids are the ones who suffer for it.

I don’t know what else there is to do.

Last night in the car, my Katie was telling me that she has a really hard time understanding why the girl who targeted her in school this year seemed to get her kicks out of hurting other people. “I don’t get it, Mama,” she said. “I just don’t get it.”

I told her that she didn’t need to get it. That there are people in the world who do things that none of us can ever understand. I made it extreme to make a point. “Honey, there are people in this world who are incomprehensibly evil. There are people who murder other people. It simply doesn’t make sense.”

“But Mama,” she wailed, “that’s just it. It doesn’t make sense! I don’t understand why people need to hurt each other. Why there are murderers and why there’s war and even why there’s kids who somehow feel better when they make someone else feel bad. It doesn’t make sense!”

She was so upset. I love that she sees the world the way that she does. And I hate that she sees the world the way that she does.

“Baby,” I said, “I get it. I really do. I understand the frustration. But you have a choice in how you’re going to handle it. You can spend your time and your precious energy thinking about people like that girl or, you can use your incredible heart and that scary smart brain of yours to figure out how to make the world better. And I gotta be honest with you, kiddo, using your energy thinking about those people is making really, really stupid use of it.”

I was on a roll.

“Do something positive with that energy,” I told her. “Spend the summer figuring out what it is that you can do to make this world better. Pick something. Work on it. Devote yourself to it. Lead by example. Let people see how good it feels to do something positive – to help another human being. That’s my advice,” I said. “DO something.”

I wish I could share the rest of the conversation, but I feel like it needs to stay right where it is. Katie is eleven. Her inner life can’t be on display just because her mother’s a writer.

It’s funny though. I somehow missed the ludicrously obvious parallels until this morning. Amazing what happens when you open a laptop.

So today, instead of trying to duck barbs and douse flames in a war that rages beyond my control, I’m going to tell a story about my daughter. Because that’s what I DO.

~

Saturday morning

The girls and I are driving to New Jersey to meet my nephew. Katie is in the back seat. Brooke is in her favorite spot in the third row. She has her head against the rear vent window, reveling in the wind on her face.

We are listening to the soundtrack from the Broadway version of Godspell. Katie is singing along. Periodically, she stops to ask a question. “Who sings this one, Mama?” I direct her to her sister. “Brooke knows, honey. Ask her.”

Brooke answers every question, remembers every name.

This is a turning point. Katie turning to her sister for information. Her sister sharing it. The two enjoying this together. This is not small.

Day By Day is ramping up into the chorus. It’s impossible not to sing along.

Day by day
Oh Dear Lord
Three things I pray
To see thee more clearly
Love thee more dearly
Follow thee more nearly
Day by day

We are all singing now. Together. This is not small.

I cock the rear view mirror down so that I can see Brooke. I watch her for a moment, then look back to the road. Then again, I steal a look at my girl. And then it happens. She looks at me in the mirror. And she smiles.

*

She literally caught my eye and then smiled at me.

I can’t explain this. I don’t have the words. I know that it’s a moment that happens in cars all day long. Mom watches kid, kid glances at mom, smiles. So?

So everything.

It’s a metaphor, isn’t it? This journey we’re on. To see more clearly, follow more nearly, love more dearly. It’s all the same. The mystery of God, the universe, our children, autism, it’s all the same. The journey to understand, the faith to believe in something bigger than ourselves, to believe in possibility, to believe in our children, to believe in each other.

The desperate need for understanding, for clarity, for love. And the divinity of the moments when we see – really see – each other. That is my God. That’s where I find Grace. In the moments of connection, I feel the presence of the Divine.

*

God is in the car.

We continue down the road, singing as loudly as we can.

Day by day
Oh Dear Lord
Three things I pray
To see thee more clearly
Love thee more dearly
Follow thee more nearly
Day by day

View the original article here

Mothers Day Hints for Men

Mothers Day Hints for Men
Posted on Sunday, May 13 @ 11:38:18 EDT by Social Skills Mother's DayWhy is it so hard for moms to take a break? What can fathers do to help?

First of all, struggling with taking a break from maternal responsibilities is normal. This is hard for the mothers of typical children?who presumably have a little less to be preoccupied about than mothers of children who have autism and other special needs.

So feeling overwhelmed by the enormous responsibilities of motherhood is normal, but when it goes on indefinitely, it?s not healthy for a mother or her family. And fathers tend to begin feeling left out and neglected. While I frequently write about fathers, I spend a good deal of my time as a psychologist listening to mothers. Almost invariably mothers seem to be relieved when they give voice to their struggles?particularly the guilt about not doing enough or missing something they should have done or thought about.

Read Mothers Day Hints for Men

Opening up and connecting about upsetting situations can help. On the other hand, suggesting that a mother do more to take care of herself often makes her feel worse. Listening to mothers in at Alternative Choices, we hear that this can sound like just one more thing to do. Their lists are already too long. And another thing they just aren?t getting right?even more guilt!

One mom even told me, ?My life seems like one long day!?

In contrast, the average overwhelmed father seems to have less difficulty taking a break. On the other hand, he may also have trouble talking about what he cannot fix or take action about. He may shut down out of helplessness and emotional overload that he has no words for. The very same man may love his partner and children passionately; yet he may feel left out, ignored, and powerless.

This reaction offers no outlet for his partner?s feelings.

Still, most fathers admire when the mother of their children reacts like a mother lion with her cub, doing everything possible to raise their child.

So for this Mothers and Day and every day really, here?s a plan for men:

Tell your partner how much you appreciate her and everything she does for yourchildren. Be specific about all the wonderful things she does and how hard she tries. Don?t do something. Don?t make suggestions. Volunteer to just listen to how she feels.Ask what you can do to make her job easier.Gently and persistently keep asking and showing up to do stuff.

This is how to be a good man in your situation. Help her to take a breath, literally and figuratively. Let her know that she is indispensable. No one can do a better job. In the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes, ?The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men?from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.?

Finally, remember the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

This column is by Wrong Planet columnist and clinical psychologist Dr. Robert Naseef. He runs a practice in Philadelphia called Alternative Choices
               
The comments are owned by the poster. We aren’t responsible for their content.
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We Aspergers need overt & explicit advice to do well. Here’s how to practically love your wife: http://manofthehouse.com/ If you are still married (the odds are low), here’s a couple of good books for them: “Connect with your Asperger partner” by Louise Weston “Loving someone with Asperger’s Syndrome” by Cindy Ariel Here’s books for you: “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships” by Grandin & Barron “The Power of Body Language” by Reiman If looking for a spouse, here’s a good book to give you a fighting chance: “The Five Love Languages” by Chapman
I whole-heartedly support the encouragement to do something nice for our wives on Mother’s day (whenever that day might be, depending on the part of the world one lives in), but my overall enthusiasm for this “column” entry is limited. First of all, for the text to make much sense, I have to assume that we’re talking about stay-at-home wives who spend far more time with their children than their husbands. Second, I strongly disagree with the author on his definition of a father’s most important contribution to his children (“to love their mother”). It is important that I, as a father, love and care for my wife, but even more important is it that I spend much of my time together with my children, teach them new things, etc.. It is important that mothers are not alone with the responsibility to pay attention to the children’s emotional needs, their problems and their successes. Men and women are not equal, and it is surely not by accident that it takes both a man and a woman to make a child. A child benefits from having both parents’ attention. Mothers understand some things that fathers do not, and vice versa.
Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by ThinkTrees Sunday, May 13 @ 20:05:29 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) “Finally, remember the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. ” It’s not the only thing a father can do, but it’s the most important. Love is not only sentiment, it is also expression, and it is action — thus propelling a series of constructive behaviours that are supportive, yes, but empowering and deeply rewarding to the father and children as well. Great article. Surprising, and very thoughtful.
I’m in a different kettle of fish. I am a male diagnosed with Aspergers and I am a solo Dad Well at least I get the benefit of both Mothers and Fathers day. Prefer Fathers day though as I don’t really look my best in a dress on Mothers day LOL
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I’m a little disappointed this article says it’s aimed at ‘men,’ and that it’s goal is to help just mothers, when these tips are appropriate for both mothers and fathers. The article also completely ignores that some mothers have women partners. And ‘maternal responsibilities’? I know some partners still segregate the type of household work they do based on traditional gender roles but I was hoping the articles here would be more open-minded… I appreciate the great intentions, but, questionable execution.
I’m not in touch with my mother, or my father, and don’t take very kindly to receiving emails out of the blue from some stranger lecturing me on how I interact with them. Go fuck yourself.
Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by JonnyBoy Thursday, May 17 @ 23:57:34 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) This really should have been called “Mother’s Day Hints for Husbands”. Not all men are married, you know!

View the original article here

Mothers Day Hints for Men

Mothers Day Hints for Men
Posted on Sunday, May 13 @ 11:38:18 EDT by Social Skills Mother's DayWhy is it so hard for moms to take a break? What can fathers do to help?

First of all, struggling with taking a break from maternal responsibilities is normal. This is hard for the mothers of typical children?who presumably have a little less to be preoccupied about than mothers of children who have autism and other special needs.

So feeling overwhelmed by the enormous responsibilities of motherhood is normal, but when it goes on indefinitely, it?s not healthy for a mother or her family. And fathers tend to begin feeling left out and neglected. While I frequently write about fathers, I spend a good deal of my time as a psychologist listening to mothers. Almost invariably mothers seem to be relieved when they give voice to their struggles?particularly the guilt about not doing enough or missing something they should have done or thought about.

Read Mothers Day Hints for Men

Opening up and connecting about upsetting situations can help. On the other hand, suggesting that a mother do more to take care of herself often makes her feel worse. Listening to mothers in at Alternative Choices, we hear that this can sound like just one more thing to do. Their lists are already too long. And another thing they just aren?t getting right?even more guilt!

One mom even told me, ?My life seems like one long day!?

In contrast, the average overwhelmed father seems to have less difficulty taking a break. On the other hand, he may also have trouble talking about what he cannot fix or take action about. He may shut down out of helplessness and emotional overload that he has no words for. The very same man may love his partner and children passionately; yet he may feel left out, ignored, and powerless.

This reaction offers no outlet for his partner?s feelings.

Still, most fathers admire when the mother of their children reacts like a mother lion with her cub, doing everything possible to raise their child.

So for this Mothers and Day and every day really, here?s a plan for men:

Tell your partner how much you appreciate her and everything she does for yourchildren. Be specific about all the wonderful things she does and how hard she tries. Don?t do something. Don?t make suggestions. Volunteer to just listen to how she feels.Ask what you can do to make her job easier.Gently and persistently keep asking and showing up to do stuff.

This is how to be a good man in your situation. Help her to take a breath, literally and figuratively. Let her know that she is indispensable. No one can do a better job. In the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes, ?The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men?from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.?

Finally, remember the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

This column is by Wrong Planet columnist and clinical psychologist Dr. Robert Naseef. He runs a practice in Philadelphia called Alternative Choices
               
The comments are owned by the poster. We aren’t responsible for their content.
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We Aspergers need overt & explicit advice to do well. Here’s how to practically love your wife: http://manofthehouse.com/ If you are still married (the odds are low), here’s a couple of good books for them: “Connect with your Asperger partner” by Louise Weston “Loving someone with Asperger’s Syndrome” by Cindy Ariel Here’s books for you: “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships” by Grandin & Barron “The Power of Body Language” by Reiman If looking for a spouse, here’s a good book to give you a fighting chance: “The Five Love Languages” by Chapman
I whole-heartedly support the encouragement to do something nice for our wives on Mother’s day (whenever that day might be, depending on the part of the world one lives in), but my overall enthusiasm for this “column” entry is limited. First of all, for the text to make much sense, I have to assume that we’re talking about stay-at-home wives who spend far more time with their children than their husbands. Second, I strongly disagree with the author on his definition of a father’s most important contribution to his children (“to love their mother”). It is important that I, as a father, love and care for my wife, but even more important is it that I spend much of my time together with my children, teach them new things, etc.. It is important that mothers are not alone with the responsibility to pay attention to the children’s emotional needs, their problems and their successes. Men and women are not equal, and it is surely not by accident that it takes both a man and a woman to make a child. A child benefits from having both parents’ attention. Mothers understand some things that fathers do not, and vice versa.
Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by ThinkTrees Sunday, May 13 @ 20:05:29 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) “Finally, remember the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. ” It’s not the only thing a father can do, but it’s the most important. Love is not only sentiment, it is also expression, and it is action — thus propelling a series of constructive behaviours that are supportive, yes, but empowering and deeply rewarding to the father and children as well. Great article. Surprising, and very thoughtful.
I’m in a different kettle of fish. I am a male diagnosed with Aspergers and I am a solo Dad Well at least I get the benefit of both Mothers and Fathers day. Prefer Fathers day though as I don’t really look my best in a dress on Mothers day LOL
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I’m a little disappointed this article says it’s aimed at ‘men,’ and that it’s goal is to help just mothers, when these tips are appropriate for both mothers and fathers. The article also completely ignores that some mothers have women partners. And ‘maternal responsibilities’? I know some partners still segregate the type of household work they do based on traditional gender roles but I was hoping the articles here would be more open-minded… I appreciate the great intentions, but, questionable execution.
I’m not in touch with my mother, or my father, and don’t take very kindly to receiving emails out of the blue from some stranger lecturing me on how I interact with them. Go fuck yourself.
Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by cheapnikeshoes Monday, May 14 @ 13:29:28 EDT
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Re: Mothers Day Hints for Men (Score: 1)
by JonnyBoy Thursday, May 17 @ 23:57:34 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) This really should have been called “Mother’s Day Hints for Husbands”. Not all men are married, you know!

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