I’m scared to go in public. I’m only 14 years old. What will life be like later life?
Couple years ago i started year 7. (Im Autistic btw) Everytime there was an argument or some b*tchy girl was being mean i felt like punching them in the face. Don’t we all? But then it got worse, whenever i felt sad I wanted to hurt someone, I didn’t want to though. I vivdly remember going to y dads and playing with my little brothers (3 and 5 at the time) The older one was jumping around the round screaming and wooping. He is very energetic and bouncy. I got stressed from the noise and i picked him up. I wanted to throw him but i just gained control and put him down on the armchair. I said”Angus, you need to calm down now. I am very tired ok?” he said ok and ran off to play sandcastles with Monty the younger one. I felt horrified about thinking such a thing. I do still have moments now but I am 100% in control. I only think thoughts rarely but i never do anything. very rare happen now but I do still have problems. I am scared of loud noises which i do sometimes find disturbing and therefore i do not like crowds. If I’m alone for a moment I freak out turning all the lights on and turning on TV’s to make it think there’s someone in the house. I feel there are ghostlike people in our house and the only place that is safe is with someone or in my bedroom. Sometimes I’ll want to cry for no reason, yet im not depressed.
Because of all these problems I’m scared of setting foot outside alone now. I could walk all the way to the shops before high school, now i can’t go anywhere. I accept the fatc that “im just 14” but what about in later life? Im autistic remember so these problems may never go away. I don’t want to do counselling, it didn’t work before.
Maybe you should try talking to someone you trust like your parents or a teacher? They could help you see that there really is nothing to be afraid of. I’m a teenager and I’m not autistic or anything but I know when I have a problem or something it helps to talk it through.
You said counselling didn’t work for you, well maybe you could try a different counsellor, as not everyone clicks with certain people.
It’s really great that you have learned to control yourself in the situations where you feel angry and violent, but you should definitely talk to someone you trust about this, because you never know when one day it could go too far and someone could get hurt, including you.
I wish you all the best xxx
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