Tag Archives: Honesty

Question?: Asperger Syndrome Test

John asks…

Should i go to the doctors to be tested?

I just did an online survey for aspergers syndrome and the results showed that there’s a 79% chance that i have the condition, should i go to the doctors and request to be tested for it? Also what kind of treatments are available for it?

admin answers:

In all honesty, I think you’re over-reacting.
You’re young, forget about it. It’s just you growing up.
But, to be honest, if you’re worried, go to the doctors, don’t moan about it on here.
I’ve read your other questions and I just want to say that i think you’re an attention seeker. Being engaged while being a teen is far.
You’ve not even properly experienced love, and to go out with someone entirely new after two weeks is pathetic. If you’re so “heartbroken” it’d take you a good couple of months to get over, so Sally, grow up. Seriously.

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Parenting (Autistic) Kids is Hard

“Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle.”

Being a parent is hard. Really hard. When I say that, I don’t mean that I wish that I hadn’t had children or that I wish they were easier kids. I mean that raising other human beings that you love more than you love yourself is breathtakingly difficult.

Your child’s struggles—his anxiety, her aching desire to fit in, their stumbles and bumps as they travel their roads to become adults responsible for themselves—can be inspiring, heartbreaking, hilarious, scary, remarkable, stressful, unexpected, delightful, worrisome…add your descriptor here.

Sometimes it is many things at once.

It is impossible to know what it is like to be a parent until you are one.

Ever since I started blogging about my kids, which has been five and a half years now, I have consistently gotten emails, messages, tweets, personal hugs, and all other manner of communication thanking me for my honesty in writing about just how damn hard it is to raise kids. People tell me that they thought they were the only one. They tell me that they thought they were alone. They tell me how much it matters to them to know that they are not the only ones who are struggling.

Sharing that bond over the difficulty of parenting and acknowledging that it is so hard and even that sometimes our kids are assholes, well, that acts as a safety valve that releases pressure. Knowing that we are not in it alone, especially if the act of raising our children isolates us from each other, sometimes helps us make it through a heartbreakingly scary day until we can get to a delightful one.

Raising a child with autism or another disability often imposes even more isolation upon parents. In addition to the joys and problems that parents of typical kids face, we have a whole other set of hurdles (and, yes, a whole other set of joys as well). Yes, we get to experience the unique point of view that our special needs kids bring to life and we get the amazement every day of seeing what our beautiful autistic kids are capable of. I wouldn’t change the neurodiverse makeup of my family even if I could.

But we also face great challenges. We have to decide how best to help our children with their extra struggles in the face of confusing and conflicting information. We have to learn to advocate for our children, something that isn’t always easy, and is often extremely difficult. We have to help them navigate the social difficulties of the world, even if doing so is hard for us ourselves. Often we end up losing friends and family members because they don’t understand what we are going through, because our stresses are too much for them, because they want us to fix our children when all we want to do is accept and teach them. We lose the ability to socialize on the school playground because we have to keep track of our kids to keep them from “eloping” or having problems with other kids because of social difficulties. Some of us can’t leave our children alone ever, even in our own homes, and still count on them remaining safe. Most of us worry about making sure not only that we safely usher our kids to adulthood, but that we are prepared to keep them safe and cared for once they are adults and even once we are gone.

We aren’t underestimating our kids. We aren’t feeling sorry for ourselves. We believe in our children’s genius and their good and their capacity to learn and contribute and be happy. We are hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. When you have a child, when you are a parent, that is what you do.

I’m not saying it is harder for us than it is for our kids. And I am not saying that people should pay attention to our needs more than those of autistic children and adults, but I am saying that our road is valid and important as well. I am saying that watching your child struggle in the way that autistic children do can break your heart. I am saying that parenting autistic children is hard.

This is not to say that I wish Jack—or any of my children—were different, were typical. This is not to say that I do not accept my child exactly as he is. This is not saying that I want pity or kudos for my parenting. This is only to say that parenting is sometimes hard.

Just as it helps parents of typical kids to hear that they are not alone, the same goes double for parents of autistic kids. When a struggling parent hears, “Yes. It’s hard,” “You’re not alone,” “This is what my family tried,” “It gets easier”? That can be life-saving.

I know a lot of parents of autistic kids and a lot of them feel like they can’t say publicly that it is hard to raise their children. They feel that if they break down and say that they wish they could have one easy day that they will be accused of not truly accepting and loving their own kids. Valid or not, they feel that they are criticized and judged whenever they say something negative about raising their children.

I know that there are are parents who don’t accept their children’s autism. I know that there are parents who want to “fix,” who want to cure. I know there are parents who do not speak respectfully about their children. However, most of the parents I know would fight lions with their bare hands for their children—exactly as they are. I know many, many parents who do accept their children as autistic—really, truly do—but who sometimes have days when they just can’t hack it. They know they will be able to pull it together tomorrow, but they need someone to tell them, “It’s okay. Yes, it’s hard. You’re not alone. You can do this.”

I believe that it is vital to hear autistic voices. I know that the number one thing that brought me to my place of acceptance and embrace of Jack and his autism soon after I first started learning about the spectrum was reading things written by autistic adults. Without question, I believe that their voices are the ones that we should follow. I know that just as you cannot know what it is like to parent an autistic child unless you parent an autistic child, you also cannot know what it is like to be autistic unless you are autistic.

Likewise, none of us can truly know anyone else’s experience. Your experience growing up autistic is not the same as my experience growing up autistic and neither of us had the same experience that Jack has growing up autistic. But we can all learn from each other, as long as we are willing to listen. I believe that conflict drives conversations forward and that dissenting opinions make everybody think harder.

But most parents really know their kids. And most parents really try hard. And most parents love and embrace their children for who they are. And even if everyone doesn’t, we can’t assume that just because someone says it is hard to parent their child that it means that they don’t accept everything about him. And just as it is vital to respect and amplify autistic voices, it is vital to let parents have hard days without judging them.

I know that autistic adults often feel disrespected by parents. I understand that, because I hear some things spoken by parents that bother me terribly (and vice versa), but many of us want nothing more than to respect both parents and autistic individuals. Sometimes we have to take a chance and lead with respect in hopes that we will be met with the same.

I have three beautiful children. They are amazing gifts to me. Some days, however, I want to sell them all to the highest bidder. When I write about feeling that way, I hope that I do it with humor and respect, and I also hope that some other parent out there reads it and is stronger for knowing that she is not alone.

Quinn, Sam, and Jack They are everything to me. But sometimes “everything” is overwhelming.

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I tell my kids all the time to “lead by example.” Head over to White Knuckle Parenting to find out how I actually led my kids by example last weekend.

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Should You Expect Your Autistic Child to Do Chores?

I have met with parent(s), caregiver(s), and many of them do not expect their children to do chores. This had me puzzled.

If you have received a diagnosis that your child is autistic, you may want to consider him or her doing little projects around the house. By you taking the responsibility and expecting your child to participate in some small task, for the household, you, your child and family will benefit.

In addition, your child will learn responsibility, grow in other areas. Such as, your child will be able to do chores when he or she gets older with age, gain self-esteem, confidence, courage, feel he or she is contributing to the family and gaining a sense of accomplishment.

As a parent(s), caregiver(s), you may realize that giving an autistic child responsibility to do chores may take a little longer to accomplish, or it may not be done the way you would expect it to be done. You know you could do the job in less time, do it better, and take more time for yourself to do other things.

The positive side of having your autistic child to do chores is, both your child and you will benefit. How? I have experienced, there are many important reasons to have your autistic child do chores.

For example:

* It gives him or her responsibility.

* They are contributing to the family.

* A feeling of usefulness.

* Self-esteem.

* Self-pride.

* Honesty.

* Sense of accomplishment.

* Teaches your child to want to do more, within the capability of your child.

* Teaches interaction with siblings and other individuals.

* Encourages your child that he or she is valued.

Some of you who are parent(s), caregiver(s), may be thinking your child is doing too much when it comes to chores. You may become nervous and feel your child is not able or capable of starting or finishing a task. Start by giving your child small tasks to do. Allow him or her to know how they are contributing to the family in a positive way. Let them know, it probably would not get accomplished if they had not helped with the chores. It is imperative when you decide to designate chores, keep them simple, not complex. By taking this action, it will eliminate stress for your child and you.

Encourage your child to feel good about the task you are giving him or her, no matter how simple it is. Reward your child with praise, a treat, an outing, an allowance, or some special surprise, that will encourage various chores to be accomplished in the future.

Are you ready to give your child chores who has autism? If so, what can he or she do? Be creative, make it fun.

Bonita Darula operates a web sight==> http://www.autismintoawareness.com/ SIGN up to RECEIVE your FREE WEEKLY AUTISTIC NEWSLETTER on current TOPICS. Take action. Learn about expecting your child to do chores. There will be updated links for you to review and learn from.

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Support for Those Living With an Autism Spectrum Disorder

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You have spent countless hours on the web, in the library, support groups, talking to doctors, therapists, friends, family, strangers if need be; and yet, for some reason, you haven’t found what you are looking for. You haven’t found a place or a group that made you feel like you are being understood. Sympathized for, empathized with. There just hasn’t been anything, anyone, anywhere, able to bring comfort to your life.

Autism Support Network may just be what you need. Although informative, and yes educational, ASN is the place to go if you really want to meet people with the same experiences. ASN first has you fill out a short questionnaire so it can find other’s who have experienced or may be experiencing what you are. It will match you up with other members who match you and your experiences.

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Mostly affecting more boys than girls, ASD is a neurological disorder that knows no boundaries. Giving people a voice, giving people the ability to see it from the inside out, ASN’s website has compelling stories written from firsthand experiences by people who are living with someone who has Austism Spectrum Disorder or Aspergers Syndrome. It also has eye opening articles written by people who are living with ASD and want the world to know that they are people, people with emotions and feelings. ASN is not a website dedicated to just educating people about ASD or Aspergers Syndrome. ASN is the website to go to if you really are in need of someone to talk with.

If honesty and truth is something that you find eluding you for one reason or the other, you will find it at ASN. There are no games to be played; you will have no one telling you how you should feel. You will however have people for the first time that understand, that feel, that cope, that know you also need a place to go to speak your mind. It doesn’t matter if you are the parent of someone with an ASD or you are married to someone with Aspergers Syndrome, or if you are the one living with an ASD, the Autism Support Network is where you go if you need real support, by real people.

It is okay to be frustrated, being confused is part of the deal, needing someone to talk and not having anyone there can be discouraging. With ASN you no longer have to feel like you are alone. You will find out that people really do understand. You will learn that you can help yourself and others to understand what goes on when you are affected by an ASN. Whether you are the person living with an ASD, or living with someone who does, ASN is where you will find the support you need.

Living life with an undiagnosed disorder is more than challenging, it is brutal. Finding out that the reason you have such a difficult time handling what would be normal, almost mundane problems is because you have an Autism Spectrum Disorder can be life shattering. Learning how real people cope with their Aspergers Syndrome, the problems they may encounter, and how they approach them can make your life better. Doing it with someone who understands may make it almost easy. I, Bethany Schumacher, lived my whole life with an undiagnosed brother. Had our family known that he had an ASD earlier in his life, it would have been changed our worlds and his. The frustration, the pain, the confusion, all of it tore at us until our family broke. I am happy to have found ASN. Without the people and the stories, I would still feel alone.
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