Tag Archives: Frustration

Question?: Autistic Definition

Carol asks…

How can i help my 2 year old autistic cousin?

Hello,

I just heard from my aunt that my 2 year old cousin was diagnosed today with autism. I did some research online, and didn’t really find the answer to what I’m looking for. My question is for the ones who’s had experience with autism how can I help? Unfortunately she lives in another country, but I want to help anyway I can.

Thank you for your help.

admin answers:

Hi, I’m a 36 year-old male diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome 5 years ago (unexpectedly) with an autistic older sister and an autistic nephew. I’m not sure if your cousin is male or female, so I’ll just use “him.”

Windy was unable to recall the name of Temple Grandin, just to get that out of the way.

Sensory issues are a very important thing to understand, and yes, it varies from person to person: I have almost no sense of smell (anything I’ve detected with my nose, I hate, so that may be a good thing most of the time) I’m light-sensitive, and very sensitive to many types of noises and frequencies, far beyond “normal” and also tactile sensory issues, where certain things against my skin can cause nasty sensations, from a horrible chill (velvet, at least when rubbed a certain way when younger) to nausea (sunscreen) to also being unable to sense my body’s movements very well (proprioceptive senses are whacked) and having a heck of a time with the coordination, as a result, including that of speech (spent several years in speech therapy, but things degrade a lot during sensory overload [a term you should look up] so it’s much harder to understand me) and then there’s tastes that I react to violently (toothpastes of many types make me gag/vomit strongly, can’t help it much) so that causes a few practical issues.

1. So, first, try to decipher what the sensory issues are.
2. Don’t punish him for his reality of sensory overload: figure out a way to help him recover from it.
3. Frustration/strong feelings can also add to sensory overload: help him figure out how to communicate, in whatever way he can. It’s entirely possible that speech may be outside his ready grasp due to sensory issues (I have a hard time making sense of speech at times, and it’s worse with sensory overload) and keep in mind, being non-verbal does NOT mean lacking intelligence, it just means not being able to process things well.
4. Teach him proper survival skills like everyone else, as feasible for his level of ability.
5. Work with him for developing coordination and training muscle memory: this is something that tends to be very difficult for those on the autistic spectrum: expect that it’s probable what you consider to be a simple mechanical thing to do will take him a lot longer to master. As an example, I started working with computer keyboards and typing on them on a regular basis at a young age, never had a formal typing class (special education department had other plans, and they clearly could never conceive of me programming computers for a living) and it took me 14 years to go from hunt-and-peck-while-looking to doing touch-typing sustainable over 40 wpm (people watching me have said they’ve seen me do bursts in excess of 80 wpm). For me, handwriting is an nightmare, so I’m very thankful for computers being available. I’m also a little dyslexic, too… Also, involve him in as many larger muscle group physical activities as possible: you can’t build balance and coordination from watching on the sidelines, and it’s especially true with us.
6. There’s something called “executive dysfunction” which also affects motor skills planning, and it helps if you can master the art of writing down plans and figuring out the smaller steps, and just master the art of organizing things.

7. Keep him away from such terrible sites and groups as “Defeat Autism Now,” “Cure Autism Now” and “Autism Speaks” because they only have the goal of eradicating autistics off the face of the earth by any means necessary in a politically-correct sheep’s clothing format. They see autism as a disease and an epidemic, spout horrible things, etc. And don’t do anything good towards those that are actually autistic: their definition of success is an autistic that acts as a neurotypical person, never mind that the autistic person can’t function properly that way, it’s stressful, and bad for self-esteem to live that lie. Ask yourself: would you want any group speaking for you and insisting on you doing things, if you yourself (part of the group they presume to speak for) would never be allowed into their leadership? There’s a reason they don’t want that: they’re afraid of it, and for good reason. Whenever anything of a “Therapy” or “Treatment” is proposed, consider if you’d want it done to you, if you had a choice. Many autistics are forced into such things that they’d never agree to as an adult. Speech therapy and Occupational therapy are good ones: ABA is often a horrible thing, and wouldn’t be allowed on normal kids because it’d be considered cruel.

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Question?: Autism Symptoms Toddler Boys

Mark asks…

experiences with Autism?

I am writing a story based on a girl with Autism
for an assignment for english.

I want to get quite close into how people relate to autistic others
So if you know anyone autistic, or are or have an autistic sibling
can you please tell me about your relationship to them
or any habits they may have etcerta etcetera
information from the net can only tell you so much,
but something personal means so much more.
Thankyou guys =D

admin answers:

My 4 y.o. Son has autism. Many days I think, Why him? Why me? But I have to always remind myself that my son’s condition is so much milder than most cases.

He looks typical, he doesn’t drool or flap hands. He speaks quite moderately, can tolerate people whistling, noises, or getting his lined cars messed. That’s why when he has a tantrum over his frustration of failing to deliver the right message, people just stare at him, labelling him as spoiled and then look at the mother who’s not doing a good job as a parent. Or when he suddenly barks at children or attempts to push them, people’s eyebrows are raising.

He’s very visual, sometimes that means a problem. I can’t go to supermarket because he thought our stuff was gone once we put it in the locker. He’s quite rigid sometimes, and we’ve had fights over how he wants to have things done his way.

I saw the symptoms at 15 months old. He ran away from other kids and covered his ears as if in pain while the kids screamed in delight. He wasn’t verbal until almost 3. We got the diagnosis at 3 years and 2 months. Before that, I’d evolved myself into guessing what he wanted, I made every decision for him and didn’t even bother to ask him anything anymore.

Many days I’d spent in tears, my spirit was broken. I hated guessing his inaudible words. I’d poured my love into this boy, and I never got a hug and a kiss from him. “He’s still a toddler, he doesn’t understand yet!” I’d told myself. Then I saw kids younger than him, rushing to their Mommies and chatted about the slides and swings.

Deep down inside, I knew something’s not right. I’d decided to do something about it. His reluctance to socialize drove me to drag him out of the house 3 times a day. We’d go to playgrounds, park, lakeside, hiking, swimming, crossing a bridge, city centre, supermarkets, shops, bus rides, ferry, every place I could think of. Within a month, I noticed a change. He’s not that scared of loud noises, crowds or buses. He’s looking forward to have these daily trips. He still hates people, but it’s a start.

As soon as we got the diagnosis, we jumped straight into the intervention. We’re doing ABA therapy for 9 months now, and it’s like cracking a shell off him and the real personality emerges. He’s charming, funny, a fast learner, eager to help people, and that cute dimpled smile always melts even the coldest heart.

He now has a playdate whom he likes. The tremendous progress he has in such a short time is nothing but miraculous. I’m in awe at how much he wants to learn and know.

My life is much easier than before ABA. His vocabulary skyrocketed and he can express his wants and needs, not specifically, but it eliminates the guessing game. In fact, he likes to play with words and came up with his own joke: “What’s so furni? The funny-ture!” and “Eleven Elephants”

I’m his mother, his therapist, his carer, his friend, his guide, his teacher. I’d do everything for him because he is my world. If there’s a magic spell that can make Autism disappear, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But, in the meantime, I’m content with what we have. My boy is healthy, my boy has Autism. And that gives him extra challenges. But we’ll overcome them. His many hugs and kisses give me strength and hope.

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Question?: Autistic Disorder

Joseph asks…

How can I help my son who was diagnosed with mild autism?

My son is 3 and a half & was recently diagnosed with mild autism. Developmentally is a year behind in his speech & comprehension development. He still has difficulty answering “yes & no” questions & obviously he talks like a child who is just learning to talk. His answers & comments seem as if they are robotic & that he is not really thinking about what he is saying. It is a few months before his next doctors appointment & I know he will start various types of therapy. My question is what can I do in the meantime to help him with his language & communication skills? I have flash cards, & am aware of the “obvious” things you typically do to teach children. But I feel that I need some fresh ideas, because he doesn’t learn like other children due to his autistic disorder.

admin answers:

Hi:-) I have 2 HFA children. 6 and 4 years of age. Until you get therapy which I know can take forever to get…. You have to require language of him. In other words if you know he knows how to ask for something or if he knows the word for something you need not give in for 1/2 language. Require him to tell you if he knows. No matter what kind of fit you might get. Autistic children can be very resistant to change. The flash cards are great! I would sit with my children and when they were learning basic language and we would do flash cards. Try to be flexible in your approach. If he wants to put the correct ones in a box let him. Or if he wants to hold them let him. Make sure he gets a tangible reward for his cooperation. Also make sure some of the cards he knows to avoid frustration. Talk to him all the time about what things are and what they do even if you do not think he is listening. Take him to open places and pick flowers and tell him what they are. Appeal to his curiosity. There is alot you can do. Be creative. I hope this helps. I have been down this road twice. And still traveling.

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Question?: What Is Autism

Joseph asks…

How does autism affect the development of a three year old boy ?

im doing a childcare project on a child with autism .
i was wondering if anyone can tell me how it could be affecting his mental development

i haven’t found much useful Information on the net .

if you know of any websites that might help i would appreciate it

THANKS!

admin answers:

My twins are autistic and from a very early age they showed developmental delay however we at first put it down to them being born early as this can sometimes stunt development. They were over a year old before they could sit up by themselves and over 2 before they could walk. They are 5 now and still have limited language, this is due to them being locked away in their own little world, where any change or taking them out of schedule can cause severe confusion and upset, I give you an example today we went into the town and they presumed we were going round the shops as we normally would but as soon as we walked past the centre they realised this wasn’t their routine and dropped their legs and refused to walk. They say the confusion caused by autism is equal to you standing in a crowded room full of loudly shouting people and asked to concentrate on writing on a wall that would cause anyone to be uncomfortable let alone a child. Autistic children generally avoid eye contact usually the reason for speech delay. They can also resort to aggressive behaviour as my twins do they spent 2 years of their life banging their heads off hard surfaces -its very scary if you try to restrain them they don’t understand why and do it harder. They don’t do it as often now as they can understand me a bit better and visa versa but if they become uncomfortable they can still kick off and more often than not any object within their vicinity will get launched. When the boys were three they had no clear language (due to lack of eye contact) this caused frustration because if they wanted something they couldn’t tell me and id have to spend the next 30 mins trying to stop them headbanging and trying different things like drinks snacks changing the tv channel etc quite often they would forget why they kicked off in the first place but couldn’t calm themselves down because they were so wound up. Autistic children due to being shut in their own world generally are solitary and do not like their play to be interrupted, my oldest twin will hide under his bed with his trains and line them up in an exact straight line if any of them were to be moved all hell will break lose. He loves order and its through this tendency that we have been able to bring on his development, we use symbols with him so he knows exactly what is going to happen throughout the day and most of the time we stick to it and he knows whats coming next, he generally knows by where we are- what we are then going to be doing its only on rare occasions like this morning when we had to go somewhere unexpected that his perfect balance of routine is disrupted, one of the main important things for autistic children is routine and keeping language very simple making it easier for them to understand the world around them and also not pushing them to do things just because other kids their age are doing them. My twins are 5 and still in nappies they do not understand toiletry needs and often people say to me ( much to my annoyance) are they not out of nappies yet. But they have no idea that if i asked them to sit on the toilet or potty with their trousers down id end up with a 3 hour screaming match on my hands they will get there it might not be this year or next but when they understand it will come. A year ago they couldn’t even ask me for a drink now they know to come and ask me using the word drink i will then say go and get one and they help themselves i never thought id be able to leave my fridge unlocked as the would just be helping themselves left right and centre but the are slowly and surely learning acceptable behaviour. One thing i noticed with my twins from as early as a year they wont try anything new until they are 100% sure about it, pushing them to do new things just causes confusion and upset, with autistic children it will come when it comes

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Question?: Adhd In Children

Linda asks…

How to help my ADHD child sleep?

I have a 12 year old ADHD child who is on Adderall. He gets up almost every night and gets into things, like eating and hiding it, or breaking his brother’s stuff. His doctor told me to try melatonin and that is not helping. I have 4 children and he is the only one with ADHD and I am at a total loss with this kid. Any advice from other ADHD parents or people that understand this frustration I would love and appreciate some help.

And for anyone who says its disipline, its not trust me, we have tried everything, and like I said I have 3 other children and if it was disipline I would be having these problems with all of them and I am not.

admin answers:

I feel your pain!

The people advising you to give your son coffee or other sources of caffeine don’t know what they are saying – it would probably make things worse. Caffeine is a stimulant. (So is Adderall) The stimulant will help him to concentrate, but it’s still going to keep him awake.

It’s easy for people to pass judgement on ADHD kids until they’ve lived and loved with it. It’s frustrating for parents, because we’re beating ourselves up, wondering what we’ve done wrong & what we could be doing better. It’s frustrating for the kids, because they know they aren’t behaving the way they are supposed to. In first grade my son was misbehaving & had his seat moved. He broke down & cried so hard they had to call the principal & guidance counselor. He kept saying “I just want to be a good person!”

My son has been on Concerta for 3 years. At first it was a Godsend, because it helped him be so much more successful in school. However, I’m planning to talk to his Dr. About an alternative to the Concerta. I don’t doubt it’s effectiveness for my son, I just think it’s time to re-evaluate his needs. Concerta is a 12 hour time release, but for him the effects last much longer. He takes it around 8am, but it doesn’t really wear off until about 10:30pm (I know, because that’s when he gets really hungry & I’m heating up leftovers for him.) Lately he has been complaining that he can’t get to sleep. So, like your son, he is up half the night, but he doesn’t do anything destructive. He usually just snacks and watches tv. If he sleeps late on the weekend, I can’t give it to him at all, or he won’t get any rest.

My advice is to check with your doctor about changing his medication. What works like a miracle for some people, doesn’t work at all for others.

Good luck.

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Question?: Autism Signs In 15 Month Old

Sharon asks…

My 15 month old son hits himself in the face when he is mad and frustrated.?

Is anyone else’s child expressing their selves like this? I’ve never see anything like it personally and its very disturbing. Hopefully its a phase.

admin answers:

Bring it up at the next pediatrician visit, but honestly, I wouldn’t be too terribly concerned. At that age when they can’t verbalize their frustration or they are tired some children will resort to little comfort techniques like that. My daughter used to pull a piece of her hair when she was tired or angry. She stopped by the time she was two. As long as he is interacting with you and other people, interested in toys, and isn’t showing any signs of autism I wouldn’t worry. Def. Bring it up to your doctor, but it’s probably just a phase. Your doctor may be able to offer some more insight or ways to distract him when he does it.

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Question?: Autism Signs In Infants

Linda asks…

What was your autistic child like as an infant?

Just wondering there are any parents out there of autistic children who remember how they acted/behaved as an infant? Were there any signs or markers you remember now looking back that may have indicated autism earlier on?

admin answers:

As an infant, no. He developed normally (except for the three times around two months when he said “Thank You” at an appropriate time (once even to the nurse who turned pale and asked the doctor if she’d heard it, too, and who equally pale answered that she had). So, as an infant, no. I saw no warnings. He was hyperflexible, but that doesn’t stand out in the autism spectrum.

As he got older, though, his vocabulary was quite limited and then it disappeared all together. That in combo. With head banging in frustration around 2ish, were my only real signs. He had always been loving and very smart as a little one, but as an infant, he was normal.

If you are concerned, I’d suggest visiting the University of Oregon’s website which you can use from birth to age 5 1/2 years to see how your child is doing developmentally. It will ask for the child’s birthday so it will give you the correct assessment tools/questions, as well as for your email so it can quickly let you know the results. I have used this several times and it helps a lot.

It’s at:
http://uoregon.edu/~asqstudy/

Hope this helps!

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Question?: What Is Autism For Kids

Sharon asks…

3 year old autistic boy throwing with a throwing problem?

I work as a respite agent and i work with a 3 year old autistic boy who has recentely formed a throwing habbit. He gets very aggressive over little things and throws whatever he can find at your head even mom is scratching her head. Are there any moms with autism kids who can give us some tips?

admin answers:

I would say he’s frustrated, and you need to figure out why, and remove the frustration.

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Question?: Autism Signs In Toddler Girls

James asks…

I am considering homeschooling?

My son just started kindergarten at a Public school on August 16th. Everyday but one, I have been told by his teacher that she’s had problems with him. And this morning a little girls mom came up to me and said he daughter told her that my son spit in her face!!! I cann’t handle being told everyday that my son is bad. He’s been a defiant child for about the past four years. I have tried everything I can think of. He was in therapy but, that was going no where and fixing nothing! I am seriously considering taking him out of that school. and homeschooling him. My sister in law thinks that he needs school for the social part…but I am planning to sign him up for soccer as well as Boy Scouts! I did home school him for like 6 months but I got further along with my 2nd pregnancy and was just too tired to do it! But, I am ready to do it…any laws or tips for the State of Kansas on homeschooling will be extremely helpful!!!

admin answers:

Mom, i could understand if the problem was the other children,

but he is the one having the social problems

in order for him to behave properly you need to
1. Stop the therapy
2. Surround him by children who behave well, and are tolerant

children learn by example,FACT

When he is at home, Have him Watch Sprout TV its for toddlers BUT its going to benefit him

Reason being he needs to be reprogrammed
and for children who have social problems, TV is the easiest way to show them proper examples, it relaxes them and helps child learn how to properly respond to situations.

Now as far as the spitting goes, boys can do things like this,
its frustration and fear

he isn’t able to communicate, so he reacts
fear is the part when he realizes that the other child CAN communicate

I will be honest with you, you’ll get many bits of advice but MINE will work for you and your child.

My son had ADHD he seems to be growing out of it.
But in any event he was not human until he turned 4 years old

I don’t believe in the medications because the Chemically alter your CHilds Brain.

( not totally against it either in certain situations)

I am sure you have heard that Autism is now the NEW ADHD
and it is,

Beware that you don’t label your child, make him feel as normal as possible

And like i said As far as taking him out of the school , this make Zero sense it will only delay him further in devoping social skills

***

I know its hard to be embarrassed by your childs behavior and most folk blame the parent

But i am telling you, try it my way and you will see improvement , and don’t be surprised if he complains he is watching baby shows.

You and him and the new babyb sit there and watch the shows

Repeat when your supposed to to show him how to respond properly

jump when they ssay jump ect..

Your showing him how to conform.follow rules, ect..

Read him stories and teach him to color INSIDE the lines

and very important, no violent shows or games.

He should hep you make dinner and have jobs around the house, like take out the garbage and load up the dishwasher

you might be thinking he is too young for this BUT he isn’t
you will find this will at first be protested but eventually he will do it without complaint ( much complaints)

and praise when he attempts to follow through
praise when he is successful
and most important discouragment if he refuses(this is an import factor many parents leave out these days)

its not ok for them to do as they please, and you need to SHOW him you are disappointed, not hitting, or psyco behavior but a good old fashioned yell at violent behaior

if he is used to you yelling then 360 and quitely admonish and send him to his room

– One more thing a punish ment should never punish the parent. So if he doesn’t mind then make him clean the house
or something else you need done, and if he helps you by doing more than his regualr chores reward him with money
give him the money in his hand and let him spend it, you can advise him to save it or use it wisely but at first he should spend it,

hope this helps
and hope you understand that your CHILD does understand and can do what you ask

Meg

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Government Funded Autism Services – What to Do While You Wait

If your child has recently been diagnosed with autism, you will quickly experience the frustration of being put on long waiting lists for government-funded services. The worst thing you can do for your child is to sit back and wait because you could be waiting for years. The good news is that there are several things that you can do, which aren’t free, but much less expensive than paying for the services of ABA (Applied Behaviour Analysis) psychologists, program supervisors, and instructor therapists, etc. for 30 to 40 hours of therapy for your child per week.

I will start by saying that I am not affiliated in any way with the websites that I am recommending below. But I have personally used them or joined their programs at one time or another and found the information provided by them to be extremely beneficial for my son with autism.

First, learn about biomedical treatments for children with autism. Autismactionplan.org is an excellent website. It is a “doctor-driven” website and was created to assist parents and caregivers in the biomedical treatment of their children. Doctor Kurt Woeller provides comprehensive and interactive education by way of video lectures and tutorials to help you treat your child using biomedical interventions. You will also have access to live chats and parent forums. In order to access the information, a monthly or annual membership fee is required. In my opinion it is worth every cent because it costs much less than monthly visits to a DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctor. Plus, instead of blindly following treatment instructions given by a DAN doctor, you will become educated about the reason for each treatment and can make informed decisions on behalf of your child.

Next, investigate online ABA therapy tools that will help you create and implement a learning plan for your child. Rethinkautism.com provides an effective and affordable web-based ABA treatment program that provides step-by-step written instructions as well as videos to demonstrate how to teach your child each new skill. The program also includes automated progress tracking to measure treatment effectiveness so that you can determine if your program is working.

Finally, invest in an iPad. There are hundreds of very effective autism apps, and more are being developed every day. Autismepicenter.com is my personal favourite website for Autism App reviews. The apps are categorized into groups such as; AAC Communication, Behaviour, Social Skills, Speech & Language, Visual Schedules, etc. Reviews and ratings are through first-hand experience of an autism Dad with a technology background and a degree in Management Information Systems. He also provides reviews on iPad cases that can handle the rigors of autism.

Note: In Ontario, iPads (for the purpose of augmentative communication) can be accessed through the ADP (Assistive Devices Program). An occupational therapist or speech and language pathologist who is registered with the program, assesses the specific needs of the person and prescribes the IPad and communication app (Proloquo2Go). The program will only help pay for equipment that is purchased from vendors registered with the Assistive Devices Program.

Take these 3 gigantic steps and it is possible that your child will be on their way to recovery or at the very least, major improvement. I can tell you from personal experience as a parent that being proactive and directly involved in managing your child’s treatment plan will alleviate the dreadful feeling of helplessness and frustration, and ultimately your child will benefit greatly.

Karen Robinson at AFASE at school http://www.afase.com/ provides special education advocacy training and consulting services to parents and guardians whose children are challenged by autism and other developmental disabilities.

I develop my clients into informed, proactive advocates for their children’s educational needs. They are empowered by current, customized information that enables them to articulate their children’s needs to school staff and school board administrators in a way that is both assertive and collaborative.

Browse through my website to learn more and sign up to receive free advocacy tips and news. http://www.afase.com/

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