Tag Archives: Friends

Question?: Adhd In Children

Nancy asks…

What will happen to a boy with ADHD if his parents ignore it and always blame him for daydreaming?

in school and acting wild and not having any friends (since no one wants to be friends with an ADHD child.) or getiing summer jobs or jobs on the weekends or after school.

And the school doesn’t care and just promote the students at the end of the year no matter what their academic achievements are.

ADHD attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

What kind of emotional scars will such a child have.
What kind of an adult will this child turn out to be?

admin answers:

He would probably stop trying because no matter how hard he tries his parents will constantly tell him that he’s stupid and that his low grades are proof of it even though he tries really hard to focus on what the teacher said. That’s what happened with me.

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Question?: Asperger Syndrome In Adults

John asks…

Is there anyone else that has Aspergers Syndrome?

I ONLY WANT PEOPLE WITH ASPERGERS TO ANSWER THIS
I have Aspergers Syndrome and I am the only person at my school with it… as far as I know.
I want to get an idea of how many people there are with Aspergers and what’s it’s like for them living with it. I DO know that one in one thousand people in the world have Aspergers.
Anything will do… I’m keen to know.

admin answers:

I’m an adult with Asperger’s syndrome. I have poor social skills, which makes it hard to make/keep friends, participate in social interactions or relate to other people. I am noticeably different from the people around me, but I still live a pretty normal life. I’ve been through college, I have a good job, I’m married (to someone who I suspect has Asperger’s syndrome too, although he has never been diagnosed), we live in our own apartment etc. I have few friends though and don’t socialize much, because I’m quite terrible at it. Asperger’s syndrome has its good and bad sides and I have learned to use the good sides to compensate for the bad ones. That has worked well for me and gotten me ahead.

There exist many online discussion forums for people with Asperger’s syndrome. Maybe it would be helpful for you to visit some and get the chance to talk to other people with Asperger’s syndrome, so you won’t feel like you’re the only one. I can recommend the forums at http://www.wrongplanet.net , they’ve been very useful for me.

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R.I.P. Gerbil

Sad news, friends.

I walked past Mouse Town this evening and glanced down at Squeaky picking through the food dish. Then I saw Gerbil. She was on her side and she was dead. She was almost exactly two years old. She was the mouse I picked out. I liked her a lot. I’ll miss her.


Alex was kind enough to take care of the funeral services, meaning he put her inside a toilet paper tube and buried her near the other mouse corpses. He did dig her shallow grave with a spoon, so I’m pretty sure he’s going to have to dig her up tomorrow when it’s not pouring rain and re-inter her. Because I’m not going to do it.

This only leaves Squeaky. Remember Squeaky? She is the mouse with skin problems. She is missing probably half of her fur. I have no idea how that mouse is still alive. She looks like Mousenstein. And I bet she’s lonely now.

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How to Teach Your Child With Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome to Understand the Feelings of Others

Do you know a child or adult with autism or Asperger’s syndrome who seems to be blind to the feelings of others? Do you ever ask yourself…

How do I get him to see that the world doesn’t revolve around him?How do I teach my child with autism to understand that others have feelings and needs too?How can I get him to help out around here without constantly nagging him?

Ultimately, this is a problem of lack of empathy. Your loved one on the autism spectrum simply does not understand others’ feelings or how to empathize with others.

Tips to Help a Child or Adult with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome Develop Empathy

To try to help you understand how you can help your child with autism or Asperger’s syndrome to understand and feel the emotions of others, I have asked a young adult with Asperger’s syndrome to share her live experiences with us. Hearing the words and experiences of a young woman with Asperger’s syndrome hopefully will give you insights into how people on the autism spectrum think and how their brain works.

With these insights you will be able to help teach your loved one to better understand others.

This is part of a series of “Friendship Academy” newsletters written by a young adult with Asperger’s.
Young Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome Accommodate Each Others’ Needs

Last night, I found myself going to a play with some friends (who also have Asperger’s syndrome), most of whom I had known for many years. We did the things for each other that most people who had known each other for many years would — mainly, we accepted and worked around each others’ quirks. We knew each other well enough to know how to do this.

One of our friends with Asperger’s syndrome has a challenge with traffic. Another has time issues etc. We accommodated one friend’s need to avoid traffic in driving to the play, made sure to give extra explanation of what we were doing to a second friend, and made sure to leave on time for a third friend who hates being late.

I was allowed to choose our seats, because I can be pretty particular about where I’m sitting.

Accommodating the Needs of Others is a Skill that Those with Asperger’s Syndrome Have to Learn

This may seem pretty commonplace to you, but it’s actually a skill that takes a while to grow in most people with Asperger’s syndrome — considering the needs of others, and making a sacrifice, however small, in your own comfort to accommodate them.

More and more I have been considering the matter of empathy in people with autism and Asperger’s syndrome. I am sure many of you parents have been considering it too. “How do I get my child with autism to consider the needs of others?” you may think. “How do I get my child with autism to see that the world doesn’t revolve around him?” “How can I get my child with autism to help out around here without constantly nagging him?”

What Affects A Person’s Ability for Empathy – Whether or Not they have Autism?

A big part of being able to empathize with others depends on a person’s age and emotional readiness. Theory of mind, the theory that others have thoughts and needs other than yours, takes a while to develop. In people with autism or Asperger’s syndrome in can take longer yet, as we are talking about a development delay here.

Sensory Overwhelm in Children with Autism

One reason that children with autism often do not empathize with others is sensory overwhelm — when the world is so overwhelming to you on a daily basis, it’s really hard to think about others. A person with Asperger’s syndrome may feel that they can just barely keeping your head above water. But we find that even children with autism and Asperger’s syndrome, when they get old enough and learn better coping strategies, they eventually have more energy to expend on others–and begin to appreciate the feelings of others.

But part of it is experience. I’ve come to believe that since kids with autism and Asperger’s syndrome don’t have the same social experiences as others. Therefore, it can be really hard for these children with autism to relate in what would be called a normal way to “common” experiences that others have.

As one young adult with Asperger’s syndrome I know puts it, “I have great theory of mind with other Aspies. I can read them just fine. It is typical people I have trouble with!”

Children with Autism Don’t Learn In Early Childhood How to Relate to Others

Think about the childhood of a typical child. Lots of rough and tumble games, competitive sports, team building activities, slumber parties — endless opportunities for the neurons in the brain to make connections of “This is how it’s done, this is what other people are like.”

If I poke my friend Jimmy, he’ll say Ow. If I share my candy bar with Jimmy, he’ll smile at me. If we both score the winning goal on a soccer team, I feel good about him and he feels good about me — a sense of connection. These basic connections are the building blocks for a sense of belonging, for self-confidence, and for being able to relate to others and understand their needs. But this is often not the case for children with autism.

Children with Autism May Never Develop Social Skills

Now think of a child with an autism spectrum disorder. Maybe he just prefers to play alone, and the diagnosis is not caught until much later, especially if he does well in school. Maybe he is diagnosed, but due to sensory issues and developmental delays cannot handle playing with other kids.

He may memorize the A-L section of the Encyclopedia Britannica and be able to recite full movie scripts, but other kids just seem like foreign objects which he has no idea what to do with. Those connections, therefore, are never made for many children with autism and Asperger’s syndrome.

Sympathy versus Empathy in Children with Autism

It is often said that sympathy is when you feel sorry for someone but can’t really relate to what they are going through. Empathy is said to be when you can relate to what they are going through because you went through the same thing or a similar enough experience that you can feel their emotions. Many children with autism or kids with Asperger’s syndrome may have one or both of these things, but just show it differently.

Why Don’t Kids with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome Develop Empathy?

The reactions of a child with autism may be delayed due to having so many things going through his or her head all the time and being over focused on their environment. The subtleties of understand another’s feelings and emotions are lost as he or she simply tries to survive the over-stimulating environment in which they live. They might understand and sense another’s feels and think “That’s rough” but forget to say it, or it may occur to them hours later when they are processing the conversation.

One Adult with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome Relates Her Experience

I recall a phone conversation I was having with someone not long ago. We were talking about some issues I was having, and then suddenly the person said she had to go because her elderly mother had just had a fall and she had to call to check up on her. I continued talking about my situation for a minute and then said goodbye. After I hung up I realized I hadn’t commented on the situation with her mother or expressed any concern — and I was concerned! It’s just that it took a few minutes for my brain to switch gears between thinking about me and thinking about her.

On another note, if a person’s empathy comes largely from shared experiences and a person with autism or Asperger’s syndrome is lacking many common social experiences, it is easy to see why this sense of empathy can be often absent or delayed.

We can see here the different ways that empathy may be slow to develop in someone with high functioning autism or Asperger’s syndrome. It is still there, but it needs the right circumstances to come out.

What Can A Parent of a Child with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome Do?

A parent can help their child understand others’ emotions. As you watch your child, think to yourself…

Does Sammy understand that his grandmother is sad?Does Tina see that her friend is worried about her sick brother?

If you sense that your child misses emotional cues, ask your child to focus on what the other person is thinking and feeling. How is the other person feeling? How would YOU feel in the same situation?

After all, most children with high functioning autism and Asperger’s syndrome are quite intelligent. They can be taught. But many parents forget or do not notice that their children with autism miss the signals that a neurotypical child sees. By pointing out to your child that another child is worried, scared, sad or happy, it will help them develop the skills necessary to develop a sense of empathy for others.

And for further tips and techniques to help your children with Asperger’s syndrome live a happy and fulfilled life, go to the web site AspergersSociety.org and http://www.autismparenthood.com/. There you will be able to sign up for the free Asperger’s and Autism newsletter as well as get additional information to help your loved ones thrive on the autism spectrum.

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Does Your Child Play Well With Others? Boosting Their Social Success

Waste Stream 10 Detail Children Playing

Does Your Child Play Well With Others? Boosting Their Social Success

Establishing social relationships is one of the earliest milestones children of school age achieve. These interactions begin to build what will be their lifelong socialization habits. Learning how to meet new people, make friends, and get along with others are all critical skills.

Some children, however, are challenged more than others in this important area of life. If you recognize that your child is struggling with making friends and sustaining connections, you can implement strategies to help them succeed socially.

Use these techniques to help your child learn important social skills that will serve them well their entire life:

1. Establish and maintain open communication. Provide plenty of verbal encouragement to help your child build confidence in social interactions.

2. Keep your eyes open. Notice how your child relates to other children in the neighborhood, at school and during extracurricular activities.

* Does he seem excessively shy? Does he stand alone, waiting for others to approach him? Or do classmates make efforts but he doesn’t respond? You can gather information about your child’s social life simply by observing him in the presence of peers.

* When your child performs socially appropriate behavior, mention it later. Say something like, “It was nice of you to offer a cookie to Jim today.” Reinforce any positive actions you observed.

3. Set up a play date at your house. Talk with your child first about inviting a friend to come over to play. For example, you could start the conversation by asking her opinion, like, “Sally, would you like for Patty to come over to play Saturday morning?”

* Sally will most likely say, “Yes.” If she says “no,” inquire about why she doesn’t want Patty to come over.

* Arrange the play date with the other parent(s). To ensure the kids won’t get bored or tired, avoid making the first one too long. Depending on your child’s age, 1-2 hours should be adequate. Have some snacks on hand.

4. Ask your child the day before the play date how she’d like to spend the time. This conversation prompts her to consider activities she’d enjoy. Allow her to choose the activity as long as it’s safe, inside your home or in your yard, and is feasible (consider the weather).

* If your child doesn’t offer an idea, be encouraging and say, “I’m sure the two of you will come up with something fun to do.” Refrain from micro-managing the play date, if possible.

* This conversation plants the idea that when we have friends over, we share time doing something fun that we both enjoy. Also, she learns that being a friend requires some effort. Posing the question is a subtle way to teach her how to be appropriately social.

5. Make your home a fun place for kids. Doing so might boost your child’s social life. Do you have a family room with a television, DVDs, a video game console, books, board games, or other kid-friendly activities?

6. Spend a bit of time helping your child clean her room. After all, don’t we get ready for company in advance? These efforts illustrate for kids how friends behave and how social relationships are conducted.

7. When the play date occurs, leave the children to their own devices. Usually, two kids can figure out how to spend time. Check on them often to ensure they’re relating well. Intervene only when necessary (if play is too rowdy or loud or one or both kids seem bored).

* Your child will begin building confidence about social relationships after just one successful play date.

Preparing your child for social relationships can be fun for all and quite rewarding. These parenting techniques are fairly simple and yield beautiful results. Help your child learn to interact with others in a positive and meaningful way as they start to explore the world outside your home.

View the original article here

How Can You Help Your Autistic Child Create Friendships?

Friends are important to people. Having friends and creating friends for your autistic child could be challenging. How will you be able to accept this challenge and help your child who has the disorder of autism, create friendships?

It is imperative to know your child.Know his or her weaknesses and strengths. Consider the social limitations your child may have. Not only participating with autistic children, but non-autistic children. Each child is unique and may need various kinds of help or coaching for encouragement and to gain confidence.

Some autistic children may have difficulty in expressing their verbal language. In addition, not being able to understand verbal language from other children. This can make it a challenge to communicate and create friendships with other children and autistic children.

Therefore, it is wise to determine the limitations your child may have, before you decide, your child should socialize and create friendships.

By taking this action, you will learn what your child is expressing and what he or she is able to handle. This will determine what kind of friends are appropriate for your individual to socialize with, when trying to create friendships.

Set a play date for that is fun for your child and other children. This could be done at school, or outside of the classroom. Take time to find the right situation for your child and other children to participate in.

When you do find the time that will work for all of the children, and the place, keep the time short and limited. This will eliminate stress, frustration and rejection from other children. By being aware of this and taking charge of the situation, your child will probably want to continue this activity or another one. It will help to create friends at his or her own pace.

If your child does not like crowds, bright lights, loud noises, confusing activities, multiple activities, take this into consideration. Do not force your child to take part in areas, where you know he or she will become upset. What is a fun activity or place for some children, could be extremely overwhelming for a child with the disorder of autism.

Another way you can help your autistic child create friendships is, if you have made many attempts for your child to participate in activities, new places, new times, to socialize and it does not seem to be working, perhaps it is time for you to be creative with a new idea or plan.

If you know your child, you will know if he or she needs more time to adjust to other individuals, activities, new places, etc. Be sure you are not placing an enormous amount of pressure on your child, by having too high expectations for him or her to socialize on your terms and thoughts. Instead, take into consideration each individual is different. You will want to evaluate your motives for encouraging creative friendships and socialization for your child.

If your child feels comfortable with one friend and is having fun, that may be all that is necessary for the present time. You may find you do not need to create more friendships or have your child participate in more social activities. Keep the pace simple for creating new friendships. Do not push your child into new friendships, when one or two friends could be enough and it will avoid unwanted stress.

Bonita Darula operates a web sight==> http://www.autismintoawareness.com/ SIGN up to RECEIVE your COMPLIMENTARY WEEKLY AUTISTIC NEWSLETTER on current TOPICS. For example: How can you help your child create and have friends? Order your Autism updated information from your Complimentary Autistic Newsletter to help your child and you.

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Adapting to the Knowledge That Your Child Has Autism

As a parent, you’ve never wanted less than the best for your own child. If you’re adapting to the knowledge that your child has autism, you’re likely in a state of disbelief. You may feel like you’re a failure. You may feel helpless. No parent wants to hear that something is wrong with his or her child that he or she cannot fix. However, we live in a world where disease is more the rule than the exception and we must adapt. In your case, you must adapt quickly in order to help your child live the most fulfilling life possible.

For many parents, autistic children are mysterious and challenging. They may be hard to bond with because they seem distant and their actions make no sense. Believe it or not, high-functioning autistic children often feel the same way about their parents. The key is for you to move beyond your feelings so that you can do what is right to adapt to the knowledge that your child has autism. A full adaptation, accompanied by studying up on the topic, may give you the tools you need to give your autistic child the tools he or she needs to function independently when you’re no longer able to care for him or her.

Discover your child’s degree of autism. The term autism simply describes a minimal extent of measurable traits. In other words, nearly everyone has autistic traits, it’s just a matter of how many they have and how dominant those traits are. You, your friends, or some of your co-workers might fall into the minimally autistic category without even realizing it.

You need to get your child to specialists in order to learn the extent in which your child is autistic in order to make a plan of action to help your child’s development.

Make a treatment option list. Once you know the extent of autism, you can work with a specialist to come up with treatment options, ranging from special parenting skills classes to special schools for autistic children.

Build a support system. You need a specialist you can call with questions and, ideally, a support group for parents of autistic children where you can talk about your problems.

If you have other children, remember that it is hard for them too, so make special time for them. You also need to stay current on the latest autism studies and don’t be afraid to try new things with your child.

The number of children diagnosed with autism is growing at a rapid rate. As a result, many parents are forced into roles they are not familiar with and are not prepared to handle. For more information on autism in toddlers, visit AutismInToddlers.net, a site that helps parents understand autism.

Copyright © Sherry Ann Smith

View the original article here

Does Your Child Play Well With Others? Boosting Their Social Success

Waste Stream 10 Detail Children Playing

Does Your Child Play Well With Others? Boosting Their Social Success

Establishing social relationships is one of the earliest milestones children of school age achieve. These interactions begin to build what will be their lifelong socialization habits. Learning how to meet new people, make friends, and get along with others are all critical skills.

Some children, however, are challenged more than others in this important area of life. If you recognize that your child is struggling with making friends and sustaining connections, you can implement strategies to help them succeed socially.

Use these techniques to help your child learn important social skills that will serve them well their entire life:

1. Establish and maintain open communication. Provide plenty of verbal encouragement to help your child build confidence in social interactions.

2. Keep your eyes open. Notice how your child relates to other children in the neighborhood, at school and during extracurricular activities.

* Does he seem excessively shy? Does he stand alone, waiting for others to approach him? Or do classmates make efforts but he doesn’t respond? You can gather information about your child’s social life simply by observing him in the presence of peers.

* When your child performs socially appropriate behavior, mention it later. Say something like, “It was nice of you to offer a cookie to Jim today.” Reinforce any positive actions you observed.

3. Set up a play date at your house. Talk with your child first about inviting a friend to come over to play. For example, you could start the conversation by asking her opinion, like, “Sally, would you like for Patty to come over to play Saturday morning?”

* Sally will most likely say, “Yes.” If she says “no,” inquire about why she doesn’t want Patty to come over.

* Arrange the play date with the other parent(s). To ensure the kids won’t get bored or tired, avoid making the first one too long. Depending on your child’s age, 1-2 hours should be adequate. Have some snacks on hand.

4. Ask your child the day before the play date how she’d like to spend the time. This conversation prompts her to consider activities she’d enjoy. Allow her to choose the activity as long as it’s safe, inside your home or in your yard, and is feasible (consider the weather).

* If your child doesn’t offer an idea, be encouraging and say, “I’m sure the two of you will come up with something fun to do.” Refrain from micro-managing the play date, if possible.

* This conversation plants the idea that when we have friends over, we share time doing something fun that we both enjoy. Also, she learns that being a friend requires some effort. Posing the question is a subtle way to teach her how to be appropriately social.

5. Make your home a fun place for kids. Doing so might boost your child’s social life. Do you have a family room with a television, DVDs, a video game console, books, board games, or other kid-friendly activities?

6. Spend a bit of time helping your child clean her room. After all, don’t we get ready for company in advance? These efforts illustrate for kids how friends behave and how social relationships are conducted.

7. When the play date occurs, leave the children to their own devices. Usually, two kids can figure out how to spend time. Check on them often to ensure they’re relating well. Intervene only when necessary (if play is too rowdy or loud or one or both kids seem bored).

* Your child will begin building confidence about social relationships after just one successful play date.

Preparing your child for social relationships can be fun for all and quite rewarding. These parenting techniques are fairly simple and yield beautiful results. Help your child learn to interact with others in a positive and meaningful way as they start to explore the world outside your home.

View the original article here

Autism – Coping With Well Meaning Family And Friends And Even Strangers!

Have you ever taken your child with autism to the supermarket and faced the stares and rude comments from other shoppers and sales assistants who see you as a parent who simply can’t control your child? And if this isn’t difficult enough to cope with you arrive at a family gathering or a get together with friends only to receive similar comments, or worse still, advice on ‘good parenting’ or behavior management techniques.

We have found moments like these are a real struggle.

We’re sure even the strongest of parents eventually start to feel the tap tap tapping away at their self confidence on occasions like these – especially when they happen regularly.

Developing strategies to help cope with well meaning family and friends (and even rude strangers) who have the ability to knock you over with one off-handed comment is really important. Below are some strategies that we have both tried ourselves and have had suggested to us by others. Whilst these strategies may not always work in every situation it’s worth giving them a go – after all, your self confidence and personal morale is at stake!

1. Develop a ‘line’. Have a response such as, “Thanks for your advice, but we are dealing with our child’s behaviour following advice from specialists / professionals. We appreciate you being understanding of our position.” Often this will deter any further comments on your parenting skills.

2. A strategy that has been suggested to us is to present interfering strangers and associates with a card that simply states “my child has autism / aspergers syndrome”. Other parents have found that people who are aware of the disorder generally move on without further comment, or become very apologetic. Even those who aren’t familiar with autism will usually look fairly embarrassed and move away – either because they don’t know what it means or because they have been taken to task on their inappropriate comments.

3. Prepare in advance for get togethers with family or friends. It is good to talk to people before the event about issues that you may be facing, and just how it is that you will be managing your childs behaviour. Even if you can speak to a couple of understanding people, you will at least feel supported and less anxious prior to the event.

4. Be confident in your approach with your child. If you are in a department store when your child decides to throw a tantrum, stand tall and deal with it just as you would normally (as if you were in your own home). If you need to take your child outside or away from anything that may be causing aggravation, then do so calmly and confidently. A parent who appears sure of themselves and confident in what they are doing is less likely to draw comment from onlookers. Yes, you will probably still attract some stares, and you may feel completely out of control yourself, but a parent who gives the impression of being in control will usually avoid unnecessary attention.

5. Above all, stay calm, relaxed, and smile – it’s amazing the effect this will have on any situation!

Elissa Plumridge is a mother of two children, her son having an autism spectrum disorder. She shares her views and advice on autism spectrum disorders, drawing from her experience as a mother of a child with an ASD and as a teacher. More information can be found on Elissa’s blog at [http://www.managingautism.com]

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Tagged as: Autism

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Asperger’s Syndrome Patients Guide to Overcoming Anxieties about Social Interactions

Asperger’s Syndrome Patients Guide to Overcoming Anxieties about Social Interactions

The world is filled with stressful situations, and nobody feels this more keenly than the patient with Asperger’s Syndrome. Not disabled in the sense of intellect and overall awareness, patients with this condition lack some very basic skills that prohibit them from interacting effectively with others on a social level. Overcoming the anxieties about social interactions is hard to do for those with Asperger’s Syndrome, but there are some tips that might make their situations a bit simpler.

Lakhovsky: The Convesation; oil on panel (????... Image via Wikipedia

* Listen carefully when someone introduces themselves. You may learn something about their background, their interests, and also their hobbies. This might help you later to get a conversation started. In the alternative, it might go a long ways to keeping a topic of conversation going and chiming in.
* Practice your facial expressions in front of a mirror. Since this is your single weakest portion of adequate communication, you want to practice often and carefully. When you think you have it down, practice with a trusted friend or family member. This will prevent any awkwardness later and also minimize any anxiety you might feel.
* Be open to criticism. Although strangers and those to whom you are newly introduced are most likely not gentle and kind about the way they approach you – it matters little if they know that you have Asperger’s Syndrome – they might still offer you some important clues about the way you come across. Take this information back to friends or family members and ask them about it. Your acquaintances may be on to something.
* Pay close attention to the way you are dressed. Even though it sounds like a trite statement, but clothes do make the man. Clothes that you might simply appreciate for their material, color, or even feel could be construed by others as part of an image you are cultivating. This might not be the image you intend to give off, and in some cases it might actually hinder conversation! Ask friends and family members periodically about your image. Additionally, if you wear clothes with pictures on them, ask friends or family members what they mean and how they come across.
* Learn how to pace yourself in a conversation. It is tempting for anyone to monopolize a conversation by talking about themselves and their own interests. The same holds true for a patient with Asperger’s Syndrome. Yet for the latter it is easy to misunderstand an open question geared at getting a conversation flowing for a bona fide request to give an in depth analysis about a certain topic or issue. Be careful not to hog a conversation and ease into conversations, making sure the other party also has a lot of time to converse about the things that are important to them.

Even as the conversation tips and tricks will not completely make up for the shortcomings inherent to the condition known as Asperger’s Syndrome, they do help to make conversation possible and take a lot of the anxiety out of the process.

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Tagged as: Asperger syndrome

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