Question?: Autistic Angry Outbursts

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David asks…

what should i do about my autistic boyfriend..?

Well, before you try and tell me I’m limiting myself don’t even bother I don’t care what you say to me i’m not leaving him! If your going to be mean then get off this question because if you haven’t got anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.

I’m 15, turning 16 soon and my boyfriend is 17. He has a job, and I love him. He’s good looking, hes the whole package but he does have a few problems due to mild autism i guess? you wouldn’t be able to tell he’s slightly autistic by looking at him, but mentally there are a few flaws i wanted to talk about today…

if he says something or breaks something or does something i’m not happy with i might get a bit angry and/or annoyed like any other girlfriend would right? but he gets all scared and he crawls in a corner and won’t come near me unless i offer a cuddle or a kiss.. or if i just stand there he grabbed my leg and cuddles my leg… at first i thought this was adorable but now it’s starting to worry me slightly… i know i don’t get or look to angry so why does he get so scared? i’ve tried talking to him but it doesn’t help…

i mean, there are so many things i love about him, but there are also a few problems like this which are unusual…

any advice..?

thanks
heather? – don’t try and make it sound like i’m bothered. i’m “WORRIED”
kimmi, your missing the point that i am worried there is a deeper problem somewhere… for god sake i’m only 16 stop making me feel so guilty i’ve been there for him

admin answers:

Amy Rose, can I commend you, as another poster has also done so, in that you have been mature enough at this age to see past what some might see as an obstacle.

It seems like you have genuine feelings for this guy, you love him, and more importantly, you are smart enough to recognise an issue that needs attention, and you want to figure out how to work at it.

People with autism have problems with social interactions, and have difficulties controlling/reading emotions in the natural way that say you or I do. What that means, is that even the slightest bit of anger, may seem very scary to your boyfriend. He cannot pick up that you’re not being very angry, he just knows that something bad happened.

There could be an underlying issue from his past that could be causing him to behave in this way and maybe that is something that you could talk to him about.

I think the best advice I can give you, is to be completely 100 per cent direct with your boyfriend. If you are annoyed about something he does, stop and think if it is within his control or not. If it is something that you genuinely think he can prevent himself from doing, then it is worth discussing. But sometimes these outbursts can be a cause of lack of control in difficult situations so you do need to be very tactful. Speak to him directly about your concerns, what it is that annoys you, but just do your best to try not to be too negative, as that may affect his self esteem.

Good luck I really hope you work things out.

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